Be not afraid

The thing you see in these pictures is that I was not afraid to fall in love with these people.

Annie Leibovitz

I am taking a photography class to improve on my composition. I just finished listening to this week's lesson and am feeling overwhelmed at my revelation. Photograph that shines is more than surface beauty. It is more than getting the the techniques right. The photographer is involved emotionally. Because the story is being told through that lens, controlled by that photographer.

I think this hits the nail on the head. I have the same stumbling block with scrapbooking. The real meat is telling the stories, which I have a hard time with. It takes extra effort, extra courage to not be afraid of being vulnerable, to bare oneself to the world to see. That's the soul of art I suppose. But in order to connect emotionally with your audience, I have to first be connected emotionally to myself.

I want to break that plateau. Participate instead of observe. Break out of that safety zone. Be not afraid.

Finally caught Mochi

Week 5 long run

Started at 7:21am, finished 8:27am. A little bit over 6 miles. Whee!

As for the week, I only did 30 minutes on Thursday. It happened to be really hot that afternoon. Zdog was so beat by the time we got home. Anyhoo, I need to be more diligent on weekday cross training and conditioning.

Religious Ridiculous

*Sorry if this offends anyone. This is my space to rant.*

So this past weekend, Zdog went home to attend a friend's wedding and to spend time with his parents. Apparently, my MIL had a long talk with him. Regarding my stubbornness and reluctance to 'receive Tao'.

So what is the big deal? Well, I have MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR problem with people trying to force their religion down my throat. I don't care what it is, how good the intention. The end does not justify the mean.

Poor Zdog, he is caught in the middle and I am unlikely to relent. I will respect his parents. However that does not give them the right to tell me what to do. It is one thing to guide and to influence for good. It is another to use force and high pressure tactic in the name of doing good.

Zdog warned me,
1. this is a trivial matter, just do it so we can have peace
2. because mother is very persistent, she won't let go until you give in
3. your life will be miserable if you don't give in
4. my life will be miserable because of your stubbornness

(he really know how to entice me...)

BIL tried to persuade me,
1. to appease parents
2. the path of least resistance
3. a good compromise because it costs me nothing
4. receiving Tao doesn't mean joining the religion because you can go on doing as you were
5. and don't forget the benefits of having one's inner wisdom opened and get "Three Treasures"

(ooo, free treasures, sign me up...right...)

MIL attempted the scare tactic, "If you love him you'll do this for him. Because when we die, we are all going to heaven and you'll be left alone."

(WHAT!)

FIL gave the perfect example, "Your mom didn't believe back then. So, Grandma took all of you, still babies, without her consent, and received tao. This is right thing and the best thing ever. See, even mother has turned around and is a believer now."

(WHAT the HECK!!!)

I was and still am speechless. I didn't make this up. What kind of family did I get myself into? The only sane person is my dear SIL. I love her. She is the only one who dared to stick her neck out and defend me.

This past Christmas, they took me to the temple and set an English speaking volunteer on me. She spent over an hour telling me how grateful that she found Tao, how her life was void and now Tao has changed her life etc.

SHE: "I can tell you how good Coca cola tastes, but you won't know 'til you try."
I: "But, I have to want to taste Coca cola. You can't force me to drink."
SHE: "Well, you are not seeking then."
I: "I am seeking. But everyone has to find their own path. You found it yourself, no one forced it on you."

So, what is this I-kuan Tao business you ask? Go here for the basic facts. Go here for what it is about.

I don't have problem with the basic precepts. They are very Chinese culture-centric. I do have problem with the implementation, as I do with most organized religions. I can pick it apart but I won't. Since it isn't my intention to put down any religion. Let's just say I am a firm believer in meritocracy. One shouldn't have to join a membership or have family connections to go to heaven. And, most importantly, one will do good deeds and practice good will because it is the right thing to do. Not because of any potential rewards.

And please. Mother Teresa didn't "receive Tao." But she sure dedicated her life to helping lives around the world. Buddha never "received Tao" from an authorized master. Does the Pope need to receive Tao? Dalai Lama should find himself an authorized master so he can receive Tao. If anyone needs to receive Tao, I think George W. Bush needs it. So, what is the point of receiving Tao? To use their own words,

There is no external force that makes us keep the promises and commitments that we made while we receiving Tao. The only force comes from the guilty feelings that result from our misbehaviors, which reduces the mistakes we make.

I don't need to promise anyone to do good. I have my own guilty conscience. I don't need to "receive Tao" to have a guilty conscience. So, what is the point of receiving Tao if it isn't to be initiated to I-kuan Tao?

Yep, I expect I'll have a miserable life. And if I have babies, I probably should expect them to be kidnapped to receive Tao. Because it is perfectly fine, in some people's opinion, to do so against the mother's wish. And it'll be the best thing ever.

Now that I have got that off of my chest, I'll go count my blessings...

Week 4 Long run

I decided to do the stepper at home this weekend. Mainly because my 'monthly good friend' being here and zdog out of town--didn't want to risk being out with a bad cramp and no way to get home, you know.

Stepper is easy compare to running. I was on it for 1 hour and 15 minutes. I did sweat a lot, but it was more due to the unusually hot weather than me exerting myself. After all, I was nowhere near huffing and puffing at the end. I thought about staying on the stepper longer, but I was bored out of my head with nothing good on TV. Oh well...

I am a new soul

Love love this song by Yael Naim

I'm a new soul
I came to this strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit bout how to give and take
But since I came here, felt the joy and the fear
Finding myself making every possible mistake
....
See I'm a young soul in this very strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit bout what is true and fake
But why all this hate? try to communicate
Finding trust and love is not always easy to make
....

Save space...

with Bedup!
Now why didn't I think of that?! And this comment is hilarious,

An added bonus is that if your snoring roommate/ girlfriend is a really sound sleeper you can crush them to death by retracting the bed with them in it. yay.

ROFL

Week 3 Long run

So the goal is to do one hour run today. I decided to go through the library and around the park. I thought it is a longer route...but I was wrong. I started at 7:57am and finished around 8:45am. To keep to my one hour goal, I ran to BART station and back, then around the complex. Still got to the house 3 minutes ahead of schedule. It is possible that this morning, being cloudy and cold, kept me cool enough and enabled me to ran faster. Oh well, whatever the reason, I'll need a longer route next week.

Quote and week3 update

That which we presist in doing becomes easier.
Not that the task itself has become easier,
but that our ability to perform it has improved.
-ralph waldo emerson

Zdog and I did our 30 minute run on Tuesday and Thursday. It is beginning to feel routine, which is exactly that I need it to be.